Always Been You
by ShyNobody
Summary: Jane Rizzoli & Maura Isles have known and been best friends since they were babies. But what if life was not as simple as fun and games when they were young and innocent? Will the bond of friendship they formed strong enough or will the reality of life tear them apart? How long can one runaway? How long can one hide? How long when it was from someone you've known for a lifetime?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:  
** I do not own R&I.

 **A/N** : This idea has been in my head for months now, so I though I'd give it a shot and see how you guys will respond. Please feel free to let me know if it should progress or the plot was not as interesting.

In advance, this is not a beta version and was uploaded straight after typing so there might be errors. I apologize.

Happy Reading!

* * *

 _The Rizzoli household was not particularly quiet, but for the last 5 days since Angela and Frank took their newborn baby girl, their home had been buzzing with loud cries of an infant during night and day._

 _It was no different today._

 _Angela had been rocking her little Jane back and forth while singing her lullabies hoping that it would put the infant to sleep and allow her to do some of her chores but the wild dark-haired baby was relentless in her crying and Angela was at loss of what else to do. She had checked Jane's nappy but it was as dry as when she had put it on her. She also tried to feed the baby but as it seemed, Jane refused to drink her milk._

 _The young mother was close to losing her wits, when a gentle knock was heard. When she opened the door, she was grateful to see her heavily pregnant best friend Hope, looking worried but nonetheless smiling._

" _Oh, thank god you're here!" Angela exclaimed, "I don't know what else to do to get her to stop crying."_

 _Hope smiled and looked at the baby girl in her friend's arm. She was tiny and already red from crying._

" _I could hear it from next door," Hope said as she entered further inside the familiar house. "Why don't you leave her with me and you take a bit of rest, you look exhausted."_

 _Normally, Angela would've refused. Her baby daughter was proving to be a handful and Hope was heavily pregnant herself, she didn't want to tire her friend. However, she also could feel that if she didn't take a break from her crying infant that she would lose it and it won't be beneficial for baby Jane, her husband –when he gets home- and for herself included._

 _So, just this once, she didn't even try to argue. Once Hope had settled in the couch, Angela had handed her baby daughter to her best friend._

 _For a brief second when Jane was pass on to Hope's arms, she stopped crying and just looked at the blonde-haired woman with kind eyes. The little infant studied the new face that was now holding her and then started crying again –louder than she did earlier._

 _Both Angela and Hope jumped a little when little Jane started crying again, as well as it must've startled the baby inside Hope's womb as it started kicking her swollen tummy a bit._

" _Oh, I'm sorry. Here, let me get her," Angela offered but Hope shook her head._

" _Why are you crying little Janie?" she asked the infant in her arms with her soft voice. "See, you're crying woke my baby," Hope then took one of the baby's little hand and place it above her tummy where she could feel her own baby kicking._

 _And for some miracle, baby Jane then stopped crying almost immediately. Her eyes wide looking at the woman carrying her, her little baby hand still against said woman's tummy where she could feel a light pressure against the small of her hand._

 _Amused and amazed at the sudden quietness of the infant, both Angela and Hope shared a smile._

 _Baby Jane had stopped crying completely._

 _Two days later, Hope had given birth to a little blonde-haired baby girl that was a spitting image of herself. She named her baby Maura._

 _She had just arrived at her house after Patrick –the father of her baby- had dropped her off when Angela knocked and came in through the back door; with her was her own baby daughter._

" _Hey," Hope greeted her friend as she gently settled baby Maura in her cot._

" _Hi," Angela said back smiling and peering at her friend's baby daughter. "She looks just like you," she commented._

 _Hope thanked her and offer her something to drink which Angela had refused._

" _Where's Patrick?" the Italian woman asked delicately._

 _She and Hope had met in high school. Hope was a transfer from Paris, she went to Angela's public school initially while waiting for the acceptance letter from the private school her parents had enrolled from. She met Angela and they became instant friends regardless of how different their background. In the end, Hope had asked her parents to let her stay and continue her study there._

 _Both Constance and Arthur Isles were skeptical at first but even though both had come from a wealthy family, they weren't the upper class people who looks down on others. They both went to a private school and they knew what it was like, Hope looked happy at the school she shared with Angela so they let her stay._

 _Since then, Angela and Hope became best friend._

 _At around the end of senior school Angela had fallen in love with Frank Rizzoli and was swept with the whirl wind of young love. It was too fast but Angela was stubborn and so against her parent's wishes she had lived with Frank and ended up not continuing to college._

 _Hope did._

 _She wanted to become a Doctor and as she got accepted in Boston Cambridge University, she was set to finish her courses and start being a Doctor as soon as possible. However, at the age of 19 she met Patrick Doyle Jr. A mysterious man that was relentless in pursuing her affection. Eventually the mystery surrounding Patrick charmed the young aspiring Doctor -Hope fell in love._

 _When Hope's parents found out, they were against it. They knew which family Patrick Doyle Jr. belonged to. They were wealthy but rumor has it that their money was dirty money. Although nothing has been proven yet, Hope's parents knew that it wasn't because the rumor wasn't true but more of because anyone who knew were too scared to actually prove it or say anything otherwise._

 _But Hope was young and in love. And as smart as a woman she was, she wasn't thinking rationally when she fell for Patrick. She was willing to fight for them and therefore she was given an ultimatum._

 _Leave Patrick or leave the Isle's home._

 _Needless to say, she left her parent's home._

 _Blessed Patrick that he didn't abandon Hope. With the money he saved, he was able to buy the house next to Frank and Angela's. It was a blessing. Though the house was far from what Hope had grew up in, she wasn't about to complain. She liked it. Plus, she was close to her best friend._

 _It was around the time when she left the Isle's mansion that she also found out that just like her best friend, she was also pregnant. And it was also around that time when Patrick became more and more distant. He hardly stayed with her at their house and when he did, it wasn't anything more than 3 days max. He said, it was better that way. He said, he didn't want Hope and their daughter to be involved in anything that was his family._

 _Hope didn't ask. She wasn't stupid. She knew why. But she loved Patrick and so she kept her questions to herself._

" _He left after he dropped us off," Hope answered still looking at her sleeping daughter. "But he said he'll be back tomorrow or the day after," she added nonchalantly._

 _Angela just looked at her best friend. She knew of what was happening. Of course she does. Hope had told her. They hardly kept any secrets between them and although she was accepting, she still didn't quite understand. She didn't say anything though. As long as Hope was happy. She will be supportive._

 _It was around that time when the infant in Angela's arms started to stir and then cried as usual. Maybe it was a blessing after the slightly heavy silence that followed Hope's answer._

 _Little Jane's cry broke the heaviness but it also woke baby Maura. Unlike the Italian baby however, little Maura remained quiet, eyes opened but calm and observant._

 _The two mothers noticed how different their daughters were and smiled at each other._

" _Here, let me put Janie down with Maura so you can pump some milk for her," Hope offered that met no objection from Angela._

 _And just like the other, as soon as Hope settled Jane in next to Maura, the wild dark-haired baby stopped crying and turned her head slightly to the direction where Maura was._

 _At this both mother started to laugh charmed by their daughters._

" _It seemed like Maura has the power to make my Janie stop crying instantly," Angela commented amused._

 _Hope nodded in agreement, still smiling, "so it seemed."_

 _It was the very first play date of Jane and Maura._

 _The first of many more._

-27 Years Later-

The plane from Paris arrived at Logan Airport.

It has been 10 years since the last time Maura had been to Boston.

10 years was a long time. But as Maura stepped out of the airport and once again smelled the city of Boston, she wondered if 10 years was long enough.

But whether a decade was enough or not, she didn't have much choice in the matter. She had been everywhere since she graduated and got her MD and license; from Europe to Africa to Asia. She did volunteer work and Doctors without borders. The Isle's estate was more than enough that she didn't need to actually earn her living. The trust funds under her name and the inheritance she will get from her grandparents will definitely be sufficient enough that even her future kids won't need to work to survive.

However, Maura wanted to establish her own. She didn't want to rely on what was under her name given to her due to her surname. She wanted to build her career and earn her living. She had been an ME for only a couple of years -after she got back from doing her a year stint as a Doctor without borders- and loved it. She decided then that it was the career she wanted to excel in and pursuit more. So when an opportunity opened as Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, she applied –even aware that her post would be in Boston. She didn't exactly expected to get the position but alas she did.

When she found out that she got the job, out of excitement, she had informed her grandparents Constance and Arthur. Both had been very proud and overjoyed that as soon as Hope arrived from the US for her monthly visit to Paris, Maura didn't get the chance to tell her mother herself. Her grandparents had told her mother for her.

"It's about time you return to Boston," Hope had exclaimed then.

At the mention of the city Boston, Maura's smile fell. It wasn't obvious and both Hope and her grandparents didn't notice but she could feel it. She was still a bit hesitant to return, but she had just convinced herself that whatever happened in Boston was a long time ago. She was young then and naïve. It was different now.

She was different now.

So, 3 months later and she now found herself outside of Logan Airport looking for her ride.

"Maura!"

At the sound of her name she turned her head and found her mother waving ecstatically at her. She smiled at the older version of herself, run towards said woman and embraced her with everything she has.

She wasn't particularly big on giving hugs. But she missed her mother and if she had to admit, she was also a little scared. She doesn't know what to expect and she wasn't sure if she was ready to open can of worms that she had buried years ago.

Hope noticed the tightness in her daughter's embrace. She welcomed it. It wasn't every day that Maura offers a hug, but she couldn't help but wonder. She was her mother after all.

"Ready?" she asked instead in which Maura nodded.

An hour of car ride with the expected conversation like ' _how was the flight?' 'Are you excited to start your new career?'_ etc. that by the time the car stopped in front of their house in Beacon Hill, the younger woman couldn't be more grateful. Not that she didn't appreciate talking to her mother. Of course she does, she always does. But she was tired and the added stress she felt about moving back to Boston… she just wanted to lie down and sleep until it was time for her to face the music.

But the situation had been unkind -somewhat.

As soon as she entered their house, she was greeted with a loud "SURPRISE!" from everyone in her past –Angela, Frankie and Tommy.

Well, almost everyone.

They all looked different but at the same time the same.

She couldn't help the smile that formed in her lips despite of the sense of dread she felt. The Rizzolis have always been part of what she considered her family from the time she was born. She was happy to see them and didn't realized how much she had missed them until she was being suffocated by the many arms belonging to the Italian family.

The dread she felt however was due to one particular Rizzoli that she has yet to see again. Maura was a little relieved that 'she' wasn't there.

And as if on cue, the said Rizzoli in Maura's thought entered the back door and stopped dead in her track as soon as familiar brown eyes landed on her.

Maura gasped. She knew this would happen; that she would see her again. She even tried and prepared herself for this time. But all those preparations were useless. The amount of emotion barreling inside her was at such that it felt like she had stopped breathing.

Now she knew that no amount of years would be enough.

"Jane! You're late!" Angela exclaimed. "I told you someone important is coming and you have to be on time, but you're still late!"

The Rizzoli matriarch's admonish her eldest only for it to have fallen to deaf ears.

Jane knew she was late, but she had tried. Her mother was adamant that she come on time and she tried her best just to avoid the nonstop nagging, but her work prevented her to. Now she wished she stayed at the precinct instead. Because if she did, then she wouldn't be standing there and facing the one person she didn't want to see ever again.

It has been a long time.

She didn't bother counting but she knew it was long. It was so long that she believed that she won't see her again.

Oh how wrong she had been.

Because now, standing just a few feet away from her was Maura Isles.

Out of her control and out of mind, Jane turned and went out through the same door she went in. It was a blessing that she walked out the time she did, because it saved her from letting anyone see the tears that had appeared and fell from her eyes.

It has been years.

Yet now it felt like it was only just yesterday.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** (Disclaimer on Chapter 1)

Again I apologize that it took a while to get an update posted (I was finishing up 'The Best Friend'). Anyways, as usual, not beta version. There will be error and all. I apologies in advance.

Happy Reading.

* * *

 _There was a light knock on their front door and then hard little footsteps running towards the door._

" _MA!" yelled the little ball of energy that was Angela's eldest –Jane. "MA!" she yelled again as she looked around the house for something to use. At two years old, she was quite a handful. Spotting the little plastic chair that her Pop bought for her, Jane pulled it towards the door and stepped on it to give her that extra height to reach the lock –she was still unsuccessful._

" _Ma! Hewy, Mauwa hew!" she called again impatiently. They were going to the playground today and have another playdate. She couldn't wait._

" _Janie get down from there," Angela ordered when she saw her toddler daughter standing on the chair. She was slower to walk now having been 7months pregnant and she could see the obvious impatience in her daughter as she bounced up and down her chubby toddler feet. She waited until Jane was out of the way before she opened the door to find Hope and Maura on the other side._

" _Mauwa!" Jane exclaimed, reaching for her friend's hand._

 _The door was only opened for less than a second before Jane had pulled Maura inside their house, running towards the lounge room._

 _Maura was giggling but followed the wild-haired Italian toddler nonetheless._

" _Careful Janie," Angela said before opening the door further more to let her best friend enter. "Why didn't you just use your key to the back door?"_

" _I was going to, but Maura was already running out the door before I could find it," Hope answered chuckling as she remembered having the need to carry Maura just so to stop her from dashing off to the Rizzoli household._

 _It would only be a matter of time before the lock on their door would not be enough._

" _Tell me 'bout it," agreed the Italian matriarch. "Janie almost tripped over the stairs running when she heard your knock. She gets so excited as if she hadn't seen Maura before she went to sleep last night."_

 _Hope chuckled._

 _Maura was the same._

 _When she told her that she would need to leave her with Angela today so she could attend some of her classes at BCU, Maura was so quick to run to their door, screaming 'JAYIE!' as if the energetic Italian toddler would hear her._

" _Anyway, I have to go," Hope declared, handing her friend Maura's little bag. "Thank you again for taking Maura with you today. I know this could be challenging especially with those two together."_

" _Oh c'mon it's nothing. Janie is actually behave whenever Maura is around," Angela waved her hand dismissing Hope's comment._

 _Both mother then turned to look at their daughters._

 _The T.V. was on and both Jane and Maura were watching some kid's show, with Maura trying to copy the 'dance' and Jane laughing at her friend's attempt to dance. When dance was finish and Maura turned to her laughing friend with a pout, Jane immediately seized laughing and then offered the pacifier she had been nibbling on to the pouting blonde like it was a peace offering. Maura took the offer and sat next to her friend, already sucking on to the pacifier without a care. Pout gone._

 _With a smile on both their faces, Angela and Hope looked at each other. It was cute and adorable watching their daughters. Their innocence and their friendship was refreshing to watch and both mothers hoped that both Jane and Maura would be able to hold on to it._

" _Ok. I better go, before I'm late," Hope declared, breaking their silent reverie._

 _She had just recently decided to pursuit her Medical Degree. Patrick being the usual come-and-go, Hope was beginning to get tired of it. She didn't want to be stuck waiting on him. She wanted to make something out of her life and to also be prepared for both Maura and herself if anything was to happen._

 _Her parents had forgiven her for walking out on them as soon as they met Maura; like herself, they were besotted with their granddaughter as soon as they saw her and melted on the spot._

 _Hope and Constance rekindled their mother-daughter relationship and even though Constance never pushed for Hope to continue her education, she wasn't backward on being forward in telling her daughter that she should and that whenever she was ready to come back to BCU that her fees were already paid off._

" _Maura sweetie, Mommy's going now," she called out to her daughter._

" _Bye Mommy!" Maura waved goodbye too lazy to get up from her cozy position next to Jane._

 _Frowning but still smiling nonetheless, Hope asked "Won't you give Mommy a kiss goodbye?"_

 _Turning to look at her mother, Hope adding that similar pout, Maura stood and run –a little unsteadily- towards the older blonde with her arms extended for her mother to pick her up. Jane also following behind. Once Maura was settled in Hope's hip, the little toddler pursed her lips towards her Mommy for a kiss. Laughing lightly, Hope did the same and met her daughter's lips, nuzzling her nose towards her daughter after that earned a giggle from the 2 year old. It was also then that Hope felt a tug on her slacks. Looking down, she found Jane looking up at her with her big brown round eyes._

" _Imma say byebye too," she declared, her lips pursed like Maura's not wanting to feel left out._

 _Both Hope and Angela chuckled, charmed by the wild-haired Italian toddler._

 _Settling Maura down, Hope kneeled in front of little Jane and placed a soft kiss on the toddler's lips like she did with her daughter._

" _Byebye little Janie," she said. "Look after Maura for me, ok?"_

 _Looking at the older woman's familiar hazel-brown eyes, Jane nodded her head once, determined look on her face like she was taking the instruction to heart._

 _It was adorable._

 _Standing back up again after placing another kiss on Maura's head, Hope said her goodbye. Angela watched her best friend go and then closed the door once Hope was out of sight. In a way that she would never admit to anybody, she kind of envy her friend for having another shot of achieving her dream. She loved being a mother to her child and a wife to Frank, but she could never deny that she had once had a dream of attending a culinary school where she might enhance her cooking skills. It wasn't as big a dream as being a Doctor like her best friend, but it was a dream nonetheless._

 _Sighing, Angela just found comfort that at least she has more time watching over her kids –Maura was her kid too._

 _Walking towards the two kids, she bowed carefully down –which was becoming a challenge due to her growing belly- reaching for the remote and turned the TV off._

" _Who wants to go to the playground?" she cheerily asked before both toddlers could look, frown and pout at her._

" _MEEE!" Both Jane and Maura answered in unison._

 _Angela chuckled at the excitement of both kids._

" _Ok, Janie, prepare your bag ok? Remember what I taught you?"_

 _Nodding her head once as a confirmation, little Janie set of to the corner of the sofa where her back pack was at; putting in two small towels before turning to the coffee table and putting in two bottles of milk in her small backpack, trying to fit all in._

 _Angela watched her daughter in amusement as Janie scrunched up her face trying to push the second bottle in whilst Maura giggled at the face her friend was making._

" _Janie, baby why are you bringing a lot, you only need one?"_

 _Looking up to her mother briefly and then back to her bag still trying to push the second bottle in, Janie simply answered, "fo Mauwa, fo Jayie."_

" _Awww sweetie, Maura has her own. See?" Angela then showed Maura's little backpack. "You don't have to bring too many," she explained._

 _Looking up at her mother again, seeing the bag the older Rizzoli was holding, Jane immediately reached for Maura's bag. Opening it and seeing there was still some room in it, she took one bottle out from Maura's bag and put in hers, closing it and handed it back to Angela._

 _Angela again watched quietly as her daughter turned her back on her and raised her arms up. It only meant one thing –she wanted Angela to help her put on the backpack. She did and was about to ask what Maura would bring, when Jane offered her hand to Maura -which the observant toddler happily accepted, smiling at her friend and then to her- and then reached for her hand._

" _Wedy to go!" the Italian then declared once her Ma took hold of her hand._

 _The Rizzoli matriarch didn't say anything else but just smiled, awed by her daughter and the friendship they share._

 _-o-o-o-_

 _At the park, Janie and Maura were at the sandbox trying to build a sand castle, but the castle kept on collapsing and it was frustrating the Italian toddler as opposed to her friend Maura. The honey-blonde was as eager to build the castle as she did when they started. It doesn't matter that the sand kept collapsing on them, she would just try with a different approach and see which would work –sadly none had worked yet._

 _While Jane enjoys playing with Maura, building a sand castle that won't remain standing was becoming a bore to her. She wanted to try and do other things before they were due home but she won't leave Maura alone. Hope had asked her to look after Maura. "Les go to the swing?" she suggested to her still much focused friend._

 _Maura looked from the bucket she was trying to fill and turned towards the swing where kids a lot older than them were; she shook her head. She sure they wouldn't let them have a turn and Angela wouldn't let them anyway with just the two of them to push one another._

 _Pouting and looking at the direction of the swing longingly the dark-haired sighed. "I'm bowd," she said._

 _The honey-blonde turned the bucket of sand upside down and slowly pulled up to ease out the sands, "Hewp me wif this," Maura offered and handed the spatula to Jane which she took but didn't do anything but to look at it._

 _The sands only stood for merely a second before it fell apart again. Jane watched the whole thing and dropped the spatula on to the sand uninterested. It was another failed attempt. "Imma go get miwk," she said instead as she stood and made her way towards where her Ma was at together with the other Mommies._

 _Maura didn't bother looking up, already on her way filling in the bucket again._

 _Just as when Jane had finally got the bottle out of Maura's little bag, she heard a raised voice saying 'NO!' and then followed by a cry. Jane knew instantly whose voice it was and turned just in time to see the boy named Joey Grant –same age as them- pushed Maura hard that her friend had actually fallen on to her behind._

 _Both her Ma and Joey's mothers whom was chatting with her mother turned to see what was going on but Jane was already running towards Maura. When she reached their sandbox, she just briefly handed Maura the bottle of milk, scooped some sand in her little hand before turning to face the boy Joey._

" _What?!" Joey taunted not scared even if there were two of them; they were just girls._

 _Jane was already angry that the boy already made her friend upset, but she also didn't like the way she was looking at them; without second thoughts she threw the sand in the boy's face, successfully getting some in his eyes. The boy yelped and covered his eyes, before he fell hard on his behind –much like Maura did- as Jane pushed him with much force as she could._

 _All at once the Italian toddler heard-_

 _Joey crying._

 _Her ma yelling "JANE!"_

 _And Joey's mother, kneeling in front of her son checking on his eyes._

 _Jane didn't care, she just turned to teary eyed Maura –whom was helping herself with Jane's bottle of milk- and helped her friend up. Maura winced a little when her hand made contact with Jane's and frowned. She turned her palm and only then saw a few scraped skin in her palm. Jane noticed too._

" _Janie say sorry to Joey!" Angela ordered as she reached her daughter. She didn't actually see what happened first but she did saw her daughter running and throwing sand on to the little boy's face._

 _Little Janie turned to her Ma, a determined look on her face and said "No."_

 _Fixing Jane with that specific mother-look, Angela hoped her daughter would yield, but still didn't –only giving Angela her own Jane look._

 _It was quite adorable how big a personality Jane has considering her age and her size. It was making Angela proud, but at the moment, she wanted to teach her daughter that she shouldn't be hurting other kids._

" _Jane. Say sorry," she tried again as she herself was apologizing to Joey's mother._

" _No!" Jane once again refused and this time offered a reason, "he gave Mauwa booboo," she then reached and showed her Ma the honey-blonde's palm._

 _Immediately concerned just like she would if it had been Jane, Angela held Maura's hand and examined the cut. "Ow honey…"_

" _Joey, say sorry!" they heard the boy's mother ordered her still crying son._

" _Sowwy," he offered and then buried his face in his mother's neck,_

" _Angela I'm sorry," she also offered._

 _Angela nodded accepting the apology but this time didn't offer the same. Seeing the cut on Maura's hand, she was secretly commending her daughter for standing up for her friend. They just watched them go on their way._

" _I think we should go too," she declared._

 _Maura nodded her head agreeing still drinking Jane's milk. Jane didn't protest either and just took Maura's hand in her as they followed her mother to the bench where they left their things._

" _Still hewting?" she asked pouting, still examining Maura's hand. She didn't like it when her friend was hurt._

 _The honey-blonde only nodded. They were standing behind Angela who were packing their things._

 _Looking at the wide hazel eyes of her friend, Jane pursed her lips and without thought brought Maura's palm close to her lips and place a gently kiss. Her Ma usually kiss away the pain whenever she hurts herself._

" _All bettew!" she exclaimed as she look back up again, this time to a smiling hazel eyes._

" _All bettew!" Maura agreed smiling, finally releasing the bottle and offering it to Jane –the milk half finished._

 _Regardless, Jane still accepted and together and hand in hand, they followed Angela home._

* * *

A Joke.

Her life had turned in to a Joke.

It was a Sunday and Jane found herself in her desk at work hiding behind her paperwork. She wasn't even on call. Today should've been her day off, but instead she found herself willingly coming to work on her day off to do the boring paperwork.

But then again, being at work was a lot better than being in her apartment, which had been taken over by one Maura Isles.

How it happened, she still had no idea. One minute she was enduring Friday dinner at Hope's house celebrating Maura's return and then the next her Ma was suggesting Maura to share her apartment.

 **-Friday-**

 _Once Jane had gathered her wits and composed herself, she went back inside with a picture-perfect smile plastered on her lips._

 _It had been an unspoken agreement that no matter what happened to them, they wouldn't let their family know about it. Angela and Hope had been best friends since they were high school. She and Maura had literally grew up together and they were practically family._

 _When her parents got divorced when they were younger and her father had left them, they had moved in to Hope's guest house right next door which was a similar set up to the house she and Maura grew up in –before Hope decided to pack up and leave Patrick._

 _They were family._

 _Hope and Angela had tagged team in raising them together. Therefore any feud she and Maura had now, would have to be just between them. Not one in their family knew about it despite the years that had passed._

 _She and Maura knew that it would break their Mothers' heart if they found out; following the expected questions of 'Whys' and 'What happened?' and the both of them had no idea how to answer. It was complicated._

 _They didn't want to open that can of worms._

 _So when Jane got back in the house, she all but tackle Maura to the ground in a bone-crashing hug with matching the most excited voice she could master "OMG! Maura you're back! I have missed you sooo much!" even she had to gag in the fakeness of her action. But luckily for her, their mothers bought it._

 _As if rehearsed, Maura also wrapped her arms around Jane and match the tightness that it was almost painful –if not already. "I've missed you too Jane!" she murmured enough for everybody to hear._

 _The embrace lingered a moment longer than neither cared to take notice -just like neither wanted to notice that tad bit tightness that embraced the middle of their chest. And even when it was safe to let go from the acted embrace, Jane still had her arm draped on Maura's shoulder until all their family members had turned to the kitchen did Jane had to almost push Maura away._

 _The honey-blonde just rolled her eyes and made a point to let Jane see her 'dusting' her clothes as if trying to get rid of any lingering particles of Jane._

 _At dinner, it was a challenged. They were unfortunately seated across from each other which caused Jane to maintain eye contact with her food for most of the time and Maura to make sure that she turned and look to whomever asked her a question._

" _Janie how come you never mentioned that Maura was coming back home?" Angela asked her rather quiet daughter._

 _Jane had hoped that she would be invisible during dinner. Her family were mostly focused on Maura anyway and she was happy with that. Even though the not-so-subtle look both Tommy and Frankie were giving Maura was a little bit unsettling._

 _She knew that look. It was a look she was quite familiar with in another lifetime._

 _But she understood her brothers._

 _It doesn't matter the hatred she has towards the woman in front of her, it still didn't change the fact that years had only been good to Maura. Maura had always been beautiful. But now, she was stunning and that was without even trying._

 _From that brief moment that Jane had let herself look at the oblivious Maura a few seconds longer, she had noticed that she wasn't wearing any make up aside from a lip-gloss. She also looked a little tired and that was probably caused by the long flight. The honey-blonde was also only wearing a jeans and cashmere sweater and yet she still looked photo-shoot ready._

 _Needless to say, but Jane had to admit that Maura Isles had managed to look even more beautiful than she was before –in another lifetime she thought it was impossible._

 _Secretly sighing and turning to her mother, Jane was about to make her lies but Maura had answered for her._

" _I didn't tell Jane I was coming home, Angela," she said._

" _Oh you wanted to surprise all of us," Angela stated at the realization not knowing any better._

 _Maura only smiled and Jane knew it was because said woman couldn't agree nor deny. It still hasn't changed, she realized. Maura was never good at lying and in some cases breaks out in hives when she does._

" _You've been gone so long, we thought you were never coming back." The older Rizzoli added._

" _I know," Hope agreed. "I was always asking her to pay a visit instead of me going back and forth every month she always has something on apparently."_

 _At this, Jane zoned out of the conversation and focused on her food. She made sure to laugh when necessary or gave the appropriate reaction when needed earlier in their dinner, but could careless now._

 _It was a mistake._

 _She should've been paying attention or at least listened. If she had, her Ma wouldn't have caught her off guard._

" _What?" she asked her mother clueless. She only heard her name but the rest she had no idea._

" _Maura was staying here for good," her mother stated._

 _Channeling her practiced smile, she turned to Maura, "that's great!" she said._

" _I know!" the Rizzoli matriarch exclaimed. "Our family's whole again. It was a good thing that Maura found a job here in Boston. Anyway, Maura just said that she was looking for a place to settle in -I don't know why you girls just won't stay with us- but anyway, I told them that your roommate just left and you were actually looking for another roommate."_

 _Jane just looked at her mother blankly. Her heart however was thumping hard against her chest, and the smile that she was wearing was starting to hurt her cheek._

" _Isn't it wonderful? It was like fate."_

" _Oh Angela, I wouldn't want to impose on Jane," Maura was quick to answer. "I mean..."_

" _Hush now Maura," Angela interrupts. "There wouldn't be any imposition. You and Janie practically shared everything since you were babies. I'm sure Janie wouldn't have a problem with that, right Jane?"_

 _Jane didn't answer straight away. She couldn't. Her mind was running down possible excuse but she has none._

 _Why was this happening to her?_

" _Jane? Is there a problem?"_

 _It was only then, when Angela asked with a frown that Jane found her voice. Also maybe because of the sly kick that Maura had given her under the table._

" _NO!" she answered and cringed and at the tone of her own voice all the while throwing Maura a death glare so quickly that nobody noticed except for the honey-blonde it was directed to. "I was just… uhm…" she looked at Maura then whose facial expression –she could bet- pretty much resembled hers. "I was just… excited at the idea," she offered, each words were like nails scraping her throat._

 _It was that hard to get those words out._

" _Great! So tomorrow, you, Frankie and Tommy could help Maura with her things," Angela decided and her brothers only too happy to agree._

 _Jane would've excused herself that she has work, but unfortunately for her, her Ma was dating her Boss, therefore she would've found out she lied._

" _Yeah… great…" Jane agreed dryly before turning to her food. She wasn't hungry anymore._

-o-o-o-

So Saturday, Jane had spent watching her brothers ogling Maura and herself hauling suitcases. She would've escaped and made her excuse to go somewhere if it weren't too suspicious even for Frankie and Tommy whose attention was to prove to Maura that one was better than the other.

They spent and shared yet another dinner together, her brothers catching up with Maura while she pretended to listen but pretty much zoned them out. She has so much in her head, she couldn't quite understand how everything was happening.

She had spent years learning to live without Maura; spent years forgetting all those dreams they created as kids and was set on to make come true. Years she had tried to not feel anything every time someone mentioned Maura's name or showed pictures of them together as kids and she eventually succeeded to an extent –it was particularly hard when Hope looked so much like her daughter.

Jane had took comfort that she would never see the honey-blonde again and be reminded of the things she regretted/regretting the most.

And then just like that, Maura was back.

And just like that, her world had been upside down once again.

When they finished dinner, she was at least grateful that Maura made her excuse to go to bed, so she was able to kick her brothers out and dragged herself to bed.

Very early in the morning –giving up on having any sleep- Jane had gotten up to go to work. She didn't have to, but she needed escape.

It was almost too funny that she was escaping from her house to find solace in her work.

Her life had turn in to a joke, only no one was laughing. She certainly didn't find any of what was happening to be funny.

And the fact that she couldn't reach Casey –the only person that knew the real deal between Maura and herself- was particularly inconvenient. Normally, she wouldn't mind not talking to her long-distance boyfriend even for as long as a weeks –even months- but right now she needed someone to talk to and bent out on; she needed someone to listen to her rant and rave on about Maura Isles.

Casey knew the devastation Maura's departure had caused her. He knew how hard she had tried to cope with losing her –believed- best friend. Casey might not have known everything, but at least he knew Maura and he knew her shared history with her.

Sighing and glancing at the clock, Jane knew it was time to go back to her apartment. She needed to change before she goes to the obligatory Sunday family dinner at Hope's house. She would hope that Maura already went without her, but she'd rather not dare. Maura must know that if they didn't arrive together, their family would ask and questions were what they were avoiding.

Life.

You think it'll never change and then one day it just does.

The sad part… Jane never liked the changes that happened in her life –even if she could only admit it to herself.

* * *

When Maura woke up that morning –not that she felt she had any sleep- Jane was already gone and she was grateful.

She knew returning to Boston would entail facing her demons. She knew that she would have to face the Rizzolis and in particular -Jane. But she thought she would've had at least a day before she needed to face her former best friend. But alas, she hadn't been back for more than 2 hours and already, she was forced to play pretend –personally this time.

It was easier to act like nothing has change when they were in different continents. It was easy to say that they kept in touch through e-mails and texts; she even sent Jane blank postcards of the places she went to just for the show. And granted it wasn't exactly easy to make up excuses for why they weren't able to attend special occasions in each other's lives but they both managed. It was different story when they have to act in person.

It was extra hard when all of a sudden she was being coerce in living with Jane.

How will she live with Jane?

It was easy to answer once upon a time; it wasn't even a question that she would've asked herself. It was different now. They were not the same people as they were once was. A lot has changed and quite frankly they didn't know each other anymore.

They were merely strangers with memories.

Living with Jane meant, she would see her every day. There was no escaping. Just like how now, when she got out of her room, anywhere she looked there was a touch of Jane. Even the smell of the place has its Jane's particular warm and mild and sweet scent.

And Maura had to close her eyes and reorganize her senses.

She had flown to Paris 10 years ago to escape her life that was always attached to Jane Rizzoli from the day she was born. She hadn't known any other life aside from the life with Jane; and she hadn't known how to be anything or anyone else aside from the person Jane knew she grew up to be and with –it was a weakness but a strength for Jane.

She was quite happy then. It never really bothered her that someone knew her more than she knew herself. But that changed.

It had to be.

Flying to Paris. It had been her only way to rebuild herself, re-invent herself. One that didn't need Jane Rizzoli to live.

At the thought, Maura opened her eyes.

She was a different Maura now.

She had survived living so far away from the only life she knew. She had coped on her own. So, this shouldn't be any different. She had survived the worst and came out of it a better person.

She was a lot stronger and a lot better now, thus living with someone she wasn't particularly a fan of shouldn't be hard –even if that someone was Jane Clementine Rizzoli.

The same someone that had been the reason for her change.

* * *

It was later in the day and Maura was already dressed and ready to go to her mother's house at Beacon Hill.

The start of her day had consist of giving herself the pep-talk she needed. And then she went about giving herself an actual tour around the apartment. It has two and half bedroom –her bedroom having had its own bathroom. The kitchen wasn't so big but just enough and an open space towards the lounge area. All in all it was a decent size apartment –if only a little messy.

Having not have anything else to do after she had unpacked her luggage and placed in neatly in her wardrobe, she then decided to clean.

She started in the kitchen where she rearranged everything in places she thought would be more convenient to access. She had done the dishes and also cleaned out Jane's fridge –in which she cringed at the state. Apparently Jane has a hobby for collecting expired goods as well as mauld-covered bread, fruits anything alike. It also Triggered Maura's slight OCD when it came to cleaning.

She took her time and enjoyed scrubbing the said fridge all the while noting down the things she should buy at the grocery for later. She also briefly wondered how Jane managed not to get food poisoning from all the food that she kept in her fridge that shouldn't be there anymore.

Around after mid-day Maura had finished cleaning the kitchen up to her standard. She then moved to the lounge area. Finding Jane's sporting equipment all over the place, from hockey stick to baseball bat in which she decided to store in the extra little room where she had put all her shoes. She had also picked and arranged all the stationary things that she found on the floor and placed it neatly at the coffee table. She vacuumed the whole place including under the sofa and finished by dusting the furniture.

It was then she noticed the medals and trophies, awards and certificates all belonging to Jane; for a split second that she would never ever admit to anybody, she felt proud. She also noted the signed baseball collection and then the picture frames. They were mostly family pictures –herself and Hope included but it was noticeable that none of just the two of them considering the hundreds of pictures they shared together from when they were babies.

It was ok though. She didn't expect anything more or anything less. But what surprised her was what she found hidden behind the picture frames.

It was a photo album.

Maura knew she shouldn't be snooping but she couldn't help her curiosity.

Against better judgement, she opened the said album and her heart started beating fast. There weren't any pictures but the album was full of blank postcards that she had sent Jane.

A decade worth of blank postcards.

Almost immediately she closed the album and placed it back to where she got it from so fast as if it had burnt her.

It didn't. But in a way it does, if the sudden-if not unexpected- burn in her eyes was anything to go by.

And then her eyes caught the picture of Jane and Casey together, happily smiling for the camera. Her eyes lingered on the picture and the sting in her eyes became unbearable with a tinge of pin prick sensation against her chest to match. Quickly, she looked away.

It was then that she decided to stop her cleaning only to realize that it was already late in the afternoon and that she should be getting ready for the Sunday dinner at her mother's house. Angela had phoned her earlier to remind her again as if she would forget considering both Frankie and Tommy already reminded her yesterday when they were having dinner and again today with their text message.

So taking a deep breath and composing herself, she went about to prepare for the dinner.

She was just about ready to get out of the apartment when the door opened and Jane came in. It was however, the loud clinked of keys hitting the floor that alerted Maura of the Italian's arrival.

"What the hell did you do to my apartment?!" was the question that followed.

Looking at her former best friend, even looking tired, Maura couldn't deny that Jane had grew up into a gorgeous woman. But she wasn't surprise as Jane had always been stunning with her lanky and toned form to her olive skin and model-like feature when they were younger.

Internally shaking herself out of whatever daze her brain went to, she merely just shrugged, "I cleaned it."

Walking further in the room, turning around, Jane was about to fire up another question but Maura had answer it before it was voiced out.

"Your sporting goods were in the little spare room," she stated and watched as the dark-haired woman went and checked it. "I also cleaned the fridge," she added which the said woman also went and check. "I don't know what you think is edible to eat but none in your…"

"Where are my foods?!" Jane exclaimed interrupting the honey-blonde.

"I threw them," was the simple answer and the tone used irritated Jane.

"You threw them! You threw them! They were mine! You don't have the rig-"

"May I firstly point out to you that those that you called food were already expired and were covered in mould," Maura quickly countered. "None of them are edible. And don't worry, I will replace them."

"You were here for only less than 48 hours and already you're messing everything," Jane murmured darkly –even she didn't know where her sudden anger was coming from. She was annoyed, yes. But the dark tone in her voice? Even 'she' surprised herself.

"I didn't 'mess up'," Maura made the quotation in her hands, "anything. I actually fix your-"

At the word fix, Jane mockingly gasped. "Fix? You call it fixing?! You call this fixing?" her voice and tone just a tad bit lower to be considered a yell.

Maura just looked at Jane. She heard what the Italian said. It wasn't so much the words but rather what it implied. And by the look of surprise in Jane's eyes, it confirmed for her that even Jane didn't mean for those words to come out. Thus, she chose not to say anything.

"Why are you even back?" Jane asked, her tone much lower and sounded tired. "What? Europe ran out of opportunities to offer you."

"Europe has a lot of opportunities to offer-" Maura started answering only to be interrupted. Again.

A cynical laugh that only meant to mock and doubt.

"So why come back to Boston? Why don't you just stay there and-" and it was Jane's turn to be interrupted.

"Firstly, I can come back to Boston whenever I like; I am still a citizen of the United States. Secondly-"

And once again Jane didn't let Maura finish. As it seemed neither of the women were keen to let the other finish.

"Yeah. That's what you do best," she said bitterly. "Leave when you want, come back when it suits you. Not caring if it'll ruin anything."

The flow of conversation was not something she expected from Jane. She only cleaned out the place, and yet the anger from the Italian seemed to root from somewhere/something else entirely. And yet again, Maura heard what the words implied and quite frankly, she felt indignant. Why would Jane have the right to say those words? Why does Jane even believed she owned the right to say those things? She doesn't.

"Ruin anything?" This time it was Maura's turn to sound cynical and even she had to admit that it was foreign to hear, but Jane was acting a victim in which she wasn't. "Do you really wanna go there?"

At Maura's tone. At Maura's look. At the hazel eyes sharply meeting hers, Jane had realized what her words has started to open. She didn't wanna go there. Not only she didn't think she was ready but at the same time, she didn't believe it was worth a time to discuss. After all, it was a very long time ago.

"No. I don't want anything to do with you," she said bitingly.

"As the same," the honey-blonde countered.

"Then you should've made an excuse and not agree to live here." Jane murmured –but enough for Maura to hear- while looking through her cupboards, checking the changes that was made in her kitchen.

Watching the dark-haired woman looking around the kitchen, she answered dryly, "I'm not very good at lying."

"Of all the things that you can suck at, it has to be lying," Jane commented. "Why can't you be normal," she added not thinking but was unfortunately in time with when she once again met the eyes she used to never like seeing upset.

It was too late though. Her words were out and she had caught the passing of hurt across Maura's face before it was masked by blank expression.

"Maura…"

She called out, but as like the pattern that started a decade ago, it was too late. The honey-blonde had been quick to turn to the door and left the apartment.

* * *

When Jane had arrived at Hope's house, she found Maura to be seating at the porch. When the honey-blonde spotted her, she stood and faced the door, only knocking when Jane reached her side.

"I didn't want any questions I don't want them to know the answers to," was the only words she said before resuming to enter her mother's home.

Jane followed wordlessly.

She knew what she said was out of line. Maura had always been unique even when they were younger. She was a lot smarter than the rest of them as was more beautiful –inside and out. Her comment was uncalled for especially knowing that the bullies who tried to bully Maura back when they were in grade schools used to say she wasn't normal as their way to mock her.

Regardless of their time apart and how things had changed, Jane should've known that it would still be a sore-spot for Maura. And regardless of how she dislike the honey-blonde, if Jane could kick herself for her words, she would've done it multiple times by now.

The look of hurt that passed Maura's eyes earlier still has the same effect in her as it did all those years ago. She guessed it was another thing that will never change –whether she like it or not.

The dinner went the same way it always does.

However, once finished, Maura excused herself immediately saying that she would just lie down as she was having a headache. It wasn't particularly a lie as she did have a headache. But it wasn't so bad that she needed to lie down. Mainly, she wanted an escape. She wasn't in the mood to face the many questions of both Angela and her Mother or the stories that both Frankie and Tommy wanted to share with her; more importantly, she wasn't in the mood to see or feel Jane's eyes trained on her anywhere she go and every time she looked her way.

In her bed, in her old bedroom comforted by darkness, Maura stared at her ceiling which still has the glow in dark stars that Jane had surprised her with a long time ago when things were much simpler. Looking at it used to comfort her, right now it was a bitter reminder of what was.

Willing her mind to drift back to when she was cleaning the apartment and saw the pictures and that particular album, the feeling that it evoke from her, she briefly let her mind shed light on the possibility that maybe a friendship could still be formed even if it wasn't the same as before. But then Jane's words echoed in her ear and immediately the possibility vanished. It was a little surprising that those words coming from Jane had had such an effect on her. It shouldn't've. After all it was just Jane.

But then again. Even if Maura refused to admit it, it was exactly why it had affected her so much. It was because it was Jane.

Jane.

As if on cue, her door opened revealing the woman that owned the name. Maura instantly closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep.

The door didn't close immediately, but instead remained open. Jane didn't step in inside either but remained at the door, and Maura could feel her watching her. She wanted to open her eyes if only to see how Jane was looking at her this time, but she fought against it. She didn't need to know how Jane looks at her now.

She already knew how.

She saw it multiple times since she arrived and she particularly saw it back at her apartment earlier. It was the look she didn't think would be directed at her if she was asked 10 years before. It was also the same look she didn't think she would give Jane if she was asked 10 years before.

"Sorry."

Was a word Maura thought she heard; or did she really hear it?

And then it was a moment or two longer before Maura heard her door closed. She waited and listened for any footsteps inside her room and when there was none, she opened her eyes again.

Jane.

She couldn't believe that Jane still has the power to make her doubt her decision. This time however, doubt her decision to come back to Boston.

Maybe she shouldn't have come back was her last thought before she let herself be carried to sleep.

* * *

Jane was in her old bedroom at the guest house, facing her window knowing exactly whose room it was facing across.

Maura had excused herself right after dinner saying she has a headache. She called out to her, that she would get her when it'd be time to go, but if Maura heard her she didn't make an indication that she did.

And when it was time to go and Jane had gone to her room to get her, Jane knew she wasn't asleep. But still, Jane didn't dare take a step inside and pass the door. It was a very long time ago when she last set foot inside the said room. To her surprise though, she was unable to close the door straight away and found herself watching Maura.

It was dark inside the honey-blonde's room but she could still make out her form. She was still lying on her side of the bed, still facing the empty side which also faced the door. Maura has her eyes closed and Jane once again took the opportunity to just look. Maybe it was creepy. But it was a rare chance that she could and that she would allow herself to look.

Inside, in the middle of her chest, a familiar beat of her heart she felt. It was almost painful to feel that sort of heartbeat again. It was fast and somehow felt slow at the same time. It only happens with the honey-blonde around. It used to calm her for whatever reason. It doesn't anymore and for a long time. But right now, watching Maura, knowing that Maura would unlikely be opening her eyes, Jane let the calming effect to take over instead of fighting it.

It was a feeling that she hadn't felt and thought will never feel. She didn't want to feel it either –or so she thought. But in this rarity of situation she was allowed to have, she let herself this one time. No one would know. Besides, she had forgotten the last time that she was feeling this type of calmness. It wouldn't hurt to have to feel it even for just that split glittering moment.

A moment or two, calmed and out of mind, she mumbled the word, "sorry."

She doesn't know if it would be heard and she guessed that it may be another case of too little too late, but she had said it nonetheless.

She doesn't have anything to lose anyway for she already have.

Sighing, she decided that it was time to close the door and went her way downstairs to head home. And she was about ready to drive back to her apartment when her Ma suggested that she should stay for the night too since Maura was likely to stay the night at Hope's. She didn't see her Ma's point but too tired to argue, Jane agreed without much fuss.

Therefore now she found herself in her old bedroom, staring at her window picturing the woman on the other side.

Closing her eyes, Jane lets her hand roam the empty side of her bed, imagining the time it wasn't empty and cold; the time when it would feel warm and soft and a giggle would make its way to her ear before a hand would interlace its fingers with hers.

In the darkness of her old room, Jane allowed herself that rare one moment when she permitted herself to live what was of her life. An easy smile graced her lips as she pictured the hazel-eyes that would be smiling at her before it closes to sleep. A peaceful sigh passed Jane's lips as she let the memory of hearing a soft breathing, a warm body against her and a delicate hand holding hers to lull her to slumber.

Tomorrow she would wake up alone. No hazel eyes greeting her accompanied by a bright smile. But tomorrow is tomorrow. Tonight she'd embrace the companion of her memories that she rarely freed in the confinement of her thoughts. After all, all she have now is her memories. The one thing that would never change and no one would be able to take away.


End file.
